


Hooking Up

by Joycee



Category: White Collar
Genre: Angst and Porn, Clubbing, Drinking, Gay Sex, Hook-Up, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-30
Packaged: 2018-08-27 07:03:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8391850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joycee/pseuds/Joycee
Summary: Peter is surprised to discover that Neal is going out to gay bars and using Grindr for gay hookups while he is grieving for Kate.
(This story is set in early Season 2.)





	1. Despair

Peter called his name and Neal looked back. He hesitated and his whole world exploded into flames taking Kate with it. He was blown off his feet and he scrabbled to get up and run to her, but Peter held him back. Neal screamed in horror, tears running down his face. It was a scene he would never forget.

Throughout his short stay in prison, Neal was numb to his feelings as he locked into protective mode and waited for Peter to come and free him. He automatically adjusted to the prison routine and refused to think past the present moment. It was a matter of survival.

It was after Peter got him released that his torment began. He could make it through the days for the most part, though there were times when Kate's pretty face would seem to shimmer in front of his eyes. Peter would shoot him a concerned glance when he started to drift and it would ground him back in reality.

When Peter dropped him off at home, though, Neal was haunted by memories. He would sit listlessly staring into space for hours, sipping wine to take the edge off his pain. He would finally undress and sink into bed exhausted, only to wake up screaming as the plane burst into flames. He would cry so hard it hurt and he couldn't catch his breath. 

Then nausea would overcome him and he would barely make it to the bathroom in time to puke his guts up. Eventually, he would sit dazed on the cold bathroom floor with his face resting on the rim of the toilet until he could recover enough to get up and rinse his mouth and wash his face. 

Sometimes he would fall back to sleep fitfully for another few hours. Other times he would stay up and stare blankly at the television until it was time to shower and dress for work. He could usually get a little breakfast down with his coffee.

One night after dinner, when the depression started sinking in, he summoned enough energy to take a walk. He wandered by a club with attractive people coming and going and popular music floating out into the air. He moved towards it curiously and a doorman waved him inside.

Neal looked around the loud dark room. The flashing lights and animated dancers stimulated something primal in him. He sat down and ordered a drink and relaxed just a little. When his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he realized that he was in a gay club. The clientele was nearly all male. 

His attention was drawn to the men undulating on the dance floor. For the first time since Kate died, he felt a stirring in his groin. He had been unable to even look at other women out of guilt and grief, but this was different. In prison, he had been conscious of the sex that went on between inmates and sometimes guards, too. It had never interested him and he had been able to avoid it with a few harrowing exceptions.

He knew Mozzie had paid dearly to keep him protected from rape and he had used his own considerable charm in addition. His unrequited lust and sexy fantasies had all been focused on Kate and he had gotten by with quiet masturbation for relief. When he got out, intense sexual desire was part of what had fueled his desperate pursuit of her.

Now his dreams of bliss with his beautiful lover would never be consummated. He could barely remember the time they were together before Peter caught him and he went to prison the first time. It seemed unreal to him now.

As he sat sipping his drink and letting the music surround him, a nice looking man in stylish clothing slid a chair up next to him. He looked Neal over approvingly and observed, "You're new here, aren't you?"

Neal startled and responded quickly, "Yes, I was just walking by and I sort of drifted in."

His companion pointed out, "You know, they don't just let anybody come in here, but I can see why you wouldn't have any trouble."

Neal gave him a shy smile and replied, "I take it you are a regular here," as he noticed the man's muscular body and attractive face.

"Hey, you want to dance?" the man asked. He reached out a hand to help Neal up and Neal took it hesitantly. As they moved toward the dance floor, his partner pressed a small pill into Neal's hand, advising, "Here, take this. You'll have more fun."

Neal accepted it curiously and impulsively popped it into his mouth. He threw himself into dancing for the first time in many years. The music flowed through him and he got more and more involved. He grinned at his partner who winked at him and moved in closer until their bodies were nearly touching.

When the music paused, Neal reeled laughingly into the arms of his handsome partner, who caught him and pressed a quick kiss against Neal's cheek. He guided him smoothly to a back room. Neal blinked in the dark room and became aware that it was full of men engaged in sexual acts.

Neal pulled back a little, but his partner tightened his arm around him and nuzzled his ear. He murmured, "Come on, the fun is just beginning."

Neal realized he was very high from the drug he had taken, but for the first time since the explosion, he truly felt good. Suddenly the idea of a little casual sex with an anonymous partner appealed to him. He nodded slightly and followed, holding on tightly to his new friend's arm.

They found a relatively private space and Neal's companion dropped to his knees. He reached out and undid Neal's belt and opened his fly. As Neal stared at him in wonder, the man jerked Neal's pants down below his ass. He took Neal's hardening cock into his mouth and energetically sucked him in.

Neal gasped and grasped his partner's hair to steady himself as he received a professional grade blowjob. He leaned back and luxuriated in the exquisite sensations. Suddenly, he cried out and came blindingly into the man's mouth; then sank to the floor beside him. His partner stroked him soothingly. 

When he caught his breath, Neal leaned over and tentatively mouthed the other man's bulging cock. His partner gently guided Neal to show him what felt good and Neal got into it, surprised to find that he liked the very male smell and taste. He felt foolishly proud when his partner erupted, spurting cum around Neal's mouth and chin. Neal swiped it off with his hand and rubbed it on his shirt tail. He surprised himself by licking the rest off his lips.

When they were both ready, they stood up and refastened their pants. They made their way back out to the dance floor and bar. Neal took another look at the tall blond brown eyed man he had just exchanged blowjobs with and grinned. The other man smiled back and stuck out his hand.

"I'm Paul," he said in a pleasing baritone voice. "Maybe we'll meet here again sometime, or I'm on Grindr if you want to look me up."

Neal strolled out of the club and slowly walked home through the cool night air. At home, he undressed and washed and fell into bed still feeling pleasantly buzzed. It was already early morning by that time, but he slept soundly for a few hours until he had to get up for work.


	2. Relief

Neal felt better the next day at work than he had for awhile. The relief of sexual tension and the emotional relaxation had taken the edge off of his stress. Peter noticed it and hoped Neal was finally starting to recover. His heart ached for his miserable CI, but he didn't know how to help him. He tried to offer comfort in little ways whenever he saw an opportunity.

Peter's efforts were not unappreciated by Neal. Peter's steadiness and compassion helped to ground him. He secretly loved when Peter put his hands on him, which he did fairly often. Neal did not percieve any sexual intent in the gestures, just the reassurance that they were meant to give.

Occasionally, Neal had a pleasant dinner with Peter and Elizabeth. Mozzie still drifted in and out as he always had. June continued to be a rock of quiet support. Work fell back into a semblance of routine. Neal felt that he was beginning to get over his shock and grief.

When he got home, however, his depression and nightmares persisted. He found himself returning to the club to dance away his tension with other young professional men. Often enough, his evenings involved alcohol, drugs, and brief anonymous sexual encounters. All he ever learned about his partners were first names: John, Jack, Jeff, Marcus, Mitch, Michael. There was an endless stream of them.

Uncharacteristically, Neal did not use an alias. He simply introduced himself as Neal. His anklet did not present a problem since he never undressed completely. While he knew that some men were having anal sex, he steered clear of that. Rarely, he would join a group of three or four guys jacking and blowing each other.

On nights when he was not in the mood for the club, he tried Grindr to find quick hookups on line. The first time, Neal was extremely nervous as he knocked at the door of the address he was given. He quickly calmed down as he discovered there was no expectation of anything other than uncomplicated sex.

A nice looking well groomed young man would greet him at the door, sometimes with a handshake or a kiss, often offering him a joint or a drink. They would quickly get down to business, feeling each other up, making out, partially undressing, and satisfying their eager erections.

Neal loved the blowjobs best, but he was okay with hand jobs or frotting, too. He continued to refuse fucking or being fucked, but that was made clear in advance when the date was arranged. No last names were exchanged and very few personal details were discussed. No one was looking for a relationship, much less love.

Occasionally Neal was disappointed by a hookup and once his date was alarmingly rough with him. Neal never agreed to dates at his place to protect his own and June's safety and privacy. As long as he went out at night, the nightmares stayed away, but as soon as he stayed home, they came back with a vengeance.

Only June and Mozzie were somewhat aware that Neal was going out in the evenings, but they didn't know where he went or what he was doing. It seemed to help him so they kept their peace, but the late nights, the drinks and drugs, the strenuous dancing and sex, all began to take a toll on Neal's health over time.

One morning at work, Neal stifled a yawn as Peter droned on about their latest financial fraud case. Peter gave him a sharp rebuke, "Neal. Am I putting you to sleep here? I know this isn't the most exciting case but it's important."

Neal nodded disinterestedly. Peter examined him more closely and noticed how tired and haggard he looked. There was some redness and puffiness around Neal's usually clear blue eyes. He worried, "Are you still having nightmares about Kate, buddy?"

Neal winced and turned away. He replied quietly, "I'll never get over it, Peter."

Peter put a comforting arm around his CI's shoulders and pulled him close, murmuring, "Aw, it'll get better in time. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it will."

"Thanks, Peter," Neal sighed. "I can make it through the days, but my nights are so long and lonely. I feel like I'll always be alone now."

"You're not alone, Neal," Peter comforted. "I care about you, and so do Elizabeth and Mozzie and June. Even Diana and Jones care."

"Yeah," Neal agreed sadly. "I know. Thanks."

Peter released him and smiled, "Since you can't keep your mind on work right now, why don't you go home and see if you can get some rest."

Neal gratefully accepted, "That would be good. I'll be better tomorrow, Peter."

After Neal left, Peter called Elizabeth to discuss his concern with her. He concluded, "He really isn't doing well, El. He looks pale and worn out and he felt thin to me when I hugged him. He is just not coping with his grief."

Elizabeth suggested, "Maybe he needs some counseling, Hon. He's been through a terrible trauma."

"Maybe you're right," admitted Peter. "I've been hoping he was starting to recover, but now I'm not so sure."

When Neal left the FBI building, he felt relieved to be away from the pressure of work and being around people. He knew they cared, but there was really nothing they could do. It was a pleasant sunny day with a nice breeze so he walked home.

June saw him come in and expressed her surprise at seeing him home in the middle of the afternoon. "Neal, is anything wrong? Are you sick, dear?"

Neal smiled and reassured her, "No June, Peter just let me go a little early today. I guess I was looking a little worse for wear."

"It might be the late nights you've been staying out. I'm worried, Neal." June scolded. 

"Oh, I just need a little distraction sometimes," demurred Neal, feeling embarrassed. He hadn't realized that June was paying attention to his nighttime activities. "I'm okay, really."

When he got in his room, Neal wearily slumped down onto a chair at the table. He poured a glass of wine from the bottle left there the night before. He tried to remember exactly how he had spent the previous evening. Lately, the details were sometimes hazy to him, but he was getting through the nights.

Since Kate died, he could not bear to be alone for long. After years in prison, he had continued to save his love for her, only to have it never to be fulfilled. Now he craved sexual release. It was the only thing that took away his pain. He believed having sex with a woman would feel like a betrayal of Kate, but the primal sex he had with men was an entirely different thing.

He didn't feel guilt or any other emotion. There was only pure physical lust, desperate coupling, and oblivion. Most of the time drugs were involved; getting high on marijuana, Ecstasy, or occasionally coke, lowered his inhibition and intensified the experience. 

Neal sighed and pulled his laptop in front of him and logged onto a familiar site. He was too tired to go clubbing so he would try to hook up with someone nearby. He casually perused the profiles. He looked for young, handsome, well built men who were only interested in one night stands. 

Neal was startled from his reverie by Mozzie bustling in the door. He didn't realize that he had been sitting there so long. Mozzie joined him with a glass of wine and Neal poured another.

Mozzie tried to sound casual as he inquired, "Any plans for tonight? Are you going out or anything?"

Neal gazed at him suspiciously. "Why are you asking me that? Do you have something else for me to do?"

"No, it's not that," admitted Mozzie. "I've just been kind of worried about you."

"Why are you worried?" wondered Neal. "I don't understand, Mozz. Is something wrong?"

Mozzie looked at him compassionately. "You tell me, my friend. Would you tell me if there was something wrong?"

Neal snapped unreasonably, "My goddamned girlfriend got blown up in an airplane, Mozz. That's what's wrong!"

Wounded by Neal's rebuke and uncomfortable with his intense emotion, Mozzie set down his empty wine glass and hurriedly made an excuse to leave. He went downstairs and found June.

"You were right," he told her. "Something is not right with Neal. I'm going to follow him if he goes out tonight."

"Just be very discreet," June warned. "We don't know what he is up to and he'll be upset if he thinks we're spying on him."

Mozzie huffed, "Of course, dear lady. I am the very soul of discretion."


	3. Worry

When he left the house later that evening, Neal did not notice Mozzie shadowing him. His mind was already on the date he had set up. For some reason, this man seemed a little different. For one thing, he was older than Neal was used to. He lived nearby, though, and he was available.

A slightly disheveled dynamic man with a strong New York accent greeted Neal, taking his hand with both of his own and pulling him into the apartment. He announced warmly, "Welcome, welcome. I'm Ned Weeks. Don't mind my clutter. I've been way too busy to deal with it."

Neal looked around, fascinated by the shorter man and the eclectic messy collection of stuff crowding the room. He ignored the man's break with anonymity and smiled, "Oh, that's okay. I tend to be overly neat, myself."

Ned offered him a glass of Scotch and Neal eagerly accepted. Ned sat on his couch and patted the seat next to him, inviting, "Come sit, cuddle with me. Do you like to cuddle? Or is that too intimate? Damn, I'm not very good at this, hooking up, you know. But I'm not a monk either. Really, who ever heard of a Jewish monk?"

Neal was charmed. The man reminded him of a cross between Peter and Mozzie, a combination that appealed to him very much. He sat down next to Ned, patted his thigh gently and reassured, "You're doing just fine. I'm Neal."

"I am? Really?" Ned babbled. "I know I talk too much. That's not what you came here for. Damn, you're just so gorgeous. I don't know what I expected, but you, well, you are perfect."

"Thank you," Neal chuckled. "I hope I won't disappoint you in any other way. Have you thought about what you'd like to do?"

Ned toasted, "Bottoms up!" and drained his glass of whiskey. Amused, Neal did the same.

Ned put down his glass and grabbed Neal's and set it down, too. He took Neal's face in his hands and kissed him passionately. Neal was thrilled and responded enthusiastically. The next thing he knew, Ned was stripping Neal's clothing off. He quickly had them both naked and pulled Neal to his feet. He steered him into his bedroom and toppled them onto the bed.

Too late, Neal remembered his anklet. Ned exclaimed, "What the hell is that thing on your ankle?! Are you a criminal?"

Neal stammered, "Y-yes, k-kind of, I guess. I mean, I am, but...."

Ned stood up and ordered, "Get out of my house, right now. I should have known this was a mistake."

Neal sheepishly retreated to the living room and retrieved his clothes from the floor. He didn't look at Ned as he hastily dressed and apologized, "I'm sorry. I promise, I would never hurt you. I'm not that kind of criminal. I mean I'm a white collar criminal on work release. I'm a CI for the FBI."

As Ned stared at him incredulously, Neal gasped. He hadn't meant to disclose that. It had just slipped out. He finished dressing and quickly slipped out the door before the stunned Ned could say another word.

Out on the street, Neal paused and then headed for the club. He didn't want to go home humiliated and disappointed. He didn't notice Mozzie, who watched him enter the club, but couldn't follow him in. Neal immediately ordered another Scotch and drank it down. He ordered another and set out to find someone with drugs.

Drugs were in easy supply at the club and he soon found a group who were snorting coke. His good looks always made him welcome to join in. He snorted a line and his head cleared immediately. He forgot about Ned and his anklet. He joined his benefactor in some sexy dancing that soon led to mutual groping.

Neal followed the man to the back room where they collapsed onto the carpet and positioned themselves for sixty-nine. Neal was transported mentally to a state of bliss as he sucked off his partner while vigorously fucking the other man's mouth. He moaned and writhed and sweated and panted, thoroughly enjoying himself. If his partner felt Neal's anklet under his pants, he didn't raise any questions about it.

The coke enhanced orgasm was explosive and intensely satisfying. Neal swallowed his partner's cum as he came soon after. They lay back exhausted and satisfied, petting each other's bodies and planting little kisses after turning to face each other again. Neal felt appreciated, if not loved.

Later he made his way back home. He tried to enter the house quietly, but he was still drunk and stoned and he missed a step. Neal cursed as he stumbled back down a couple of stairs, bruising his arm and landing in an awkward position. He pulled himself to his feet and made it the rest of the way up, anesthetized to pain and oblivious of June watching from the foot of the stairs.

Neal groaned as he peeled off his clothes and washed up. He dimly realized that the whiskey and coke were bound to leave him feeling hung over in the morning, which was going to arrive way too soon. He fell into bed naked and lost consciousness.

The next thing Neal was aware of was his phone insistently waking him. He saw that it was Peter calling and winced as he noticed the time. He gasped, "Peter! I'm sorry. I overslept!"

Peter was perplexed as that had never happened before. He worried, "Neal, are you okay?"

"Uh, not really. I have a terrible headache and I feel sick," Neal groaned truthfully.

"I stopped by to check on you last evening and you weren't home," Peter informed him.

"Well, I took a long walk," Neal explained. "Did you check my anklet?"

Peter sighed, "Yeah, I did. I know you were within your radius. Why don't you take a little time to rest and see if you feel like coming in this afternoon. I could use you on a case we picked up this morning."

Neal promised, "I will. I'm sure I'll feel better. Thanks, Peter." He exhaled and flopped back down onto his pillow in relief for a moment. In a minute, he hoisted himself up to take some painkiller with a glass of water and lay back down to sleep for a couple more hours.

When Neal awoke, it was almost noon. He jumped into a hot shower followed by a cold rinse to shake off his drowsiness. He gulped a cup of espresso while he dressed for work, taking note of the soreness in his arm. As he flipped on his hat, he was chagrined to notice a slight tremor in his hand. 

That afternoon, after their team conference, Diana took Peter aside. She questioned, "Boss, is Neal all right?"

Peter asked alertly, "Why do you ask? I mean, he didn't come in this morning because he wasn't feeling well. You know that."

Diana nodded, "But do you know why he didn't feel well? He was tired and shaky this afternoon and a little spacy. Jones noticed it, too. I just wondered if he may have had a rough night last night."

"Well, he still has nightmares about Kate, but I know he did go out for a walk last night," Peter informed her.

She frowned, "Boss, I wonder if he was drinking or if he's been using drugs. It would be understandable if he were, and it would explain why he felt so bad this morning."

Peter looked at her speculatively. He admitted, "I hadn't thought of that, but I suppose you could be right. I'll talk with Mozzie and June and see if they've noticed anything."

"I just want to be sure he's in good shape before we put him in a dangerous situation," Diana said. Peter nodded seriously, "Thanks for alerting me. I'll check it out."

When Peter drove Neal home, he seemed all right. They discussed the new case and Peter felt reassured. He talked it over with El when he got home. They agreed that Peter probably should talk to June and try to find Mozzie.

As it turned out, Mozzie found Peter the next morning when he arrived to pick up Neal for work. Peter had purposefully come early so he could talk to June before Neal came downstairs. After hearing Mozzie's tale of following Neal to some man's apartment and then a gay nightclub, Peter became even more alarmed when June told him of Neal's many late nights and his clumsy fall on the stairs the other night.

Neal had stayed home the night before and jacked off to gay porn instead of going out, so he bounced downstairs looking chipper. Peter and June gave no sign that they had been discussing him and Mozzie was long gone, so Neal was not suspicious.

In the car, Peter questioned, "Did you go out last night, Neal?" When Neal shook his head, Peter pursued, "Where do you go on your walks anyway?"

Neal gave a vague answer and quickly changed the subject. It was obvious that he wasn't going to volunteer any information. When they arrived at the office, Peter laid a hand on Neal's arm and turned to him before exiting the car. He asked gently, "Neal, have you been drinking or using drugs?"

Neal gulped, "Peter. Why would you ask me that? Do I seem high to you?"

Peter noticed that Neal had not given him a straight answer. He responded honestly, "No, I've never seen you high, but I wondered if you might have been hungover yesterday morning."

Neal grabbed the door handle. He said lightly, "You're right, Peter. I may have had a little too much to drink the night before. You know, I'm still fighting the horrible memories of Kate's death."

As they headed for the elevator, Peter stopped him again and looked into those deep blue eyes. "Neal, drinking is never a good solution for problems. It may offer a little temporary relief, but it can only harm you in the long run."

Neal replied a little irritably, "Of course, I know that, Peter. Don't worry. I'm coping as best I can. It hasn't been easy."

Peter patted his shoulder and assured him, "I realize that. I just want the best for you, buddy." He didn't mention what Mozzie and June had told him, deciding that would only make Neal more defensive. He vowed to find out for himself what his friend was up to.


	4. Confusion

Late in the morning, Neal was sitting at his desk when Ned Weeks bustled off the elevator and burst through the door to the White Collar office. He spotted Neal and made a beeline for him. Neal threw a panicky glance up at Peter's office and stood to head Ned off. He exclaimed, "Ned! What are you doing here?"

Ned smiled broadly and invaded Neal's personal space, explaining, "It took me a couple of days to find you, Neal, but I felt so bad about the way things ended the other night, I just couldn't leave it like that. I had to find you and apologize."

Neal was aware that everyone in the office was watching them curiously. He took Ned's arm and hustled him out the door. As he pressed the button for the elevator and prayed for its swift arrival, Neal muttered, "How did you even find me here?"

"Well, you mentioned that you worked for White Collar at the FBI so I asked around to find out where that was," Ned said proudly.

Neal bit his lip as he remembered his indiscretion in revealing where he worked. He glanced over his shoulder to see if anyone had followed them out, but they appeared to be in the clear. He steered Ned toward a coffee shop around the corner. When they were seated with their lattes, he smiled at Ned. Neal still found the sincere energetic man appealing. 

"It was nice of you to come and apologize, Ned, but it was entirely my fault," Neal said gently. "Unfortunately, visiting me at work is not a good idea. I should have alerted you about my anklet, but I shouldn't have disclosed any other information to you."

Ned nodded, "I know, but it was the only way I could think of to get in touch with you and I didn't want to let you go. You're the most attractive man I've ever met. I want to get to know you."

Neal felt touched, but he shook his head, "Ned, it was just a casual hookup. I don't do relationships."

"Why not?" chirped Ned gregariously. "Are you involved with somebody else, or aren't you allowed to date? Maybe you just don't find me attractive enough, but I'd like you to give me a chance."

As Neal tried to frame a reply, Peter predictably appeared in the doorway of the cafe and started making his way to their table. Neal hissed urgently, "Here comes my boss. He doesn't know I'm gay. Please just play along with me."

Neal smiled up at Peter benignly, "This is my friend, Ned Weeks, Peter. He just stopped by to say hello to me. Ned, this my boss, Special Agent Peter Burke."

Peter frowned, "You two sure made a quick exit from the office. Is anything wrong?"

Ned beamed at Peter, "Nothing is wrong. As Neal said, I just stopped by to say hello to my friend."

"Really?" Peter pursued suspiciously. "What do you do, Mr. Weeks? How did you know you would find Neal here?"

"Oh, is it a secret?" Ned dodged artfully. "I didn't mean to cause any trouble for Neal."

As Neal fidgeted uncomfortably, Peter followed up, "You didn't answer my question, Mr. Weeks. How do you know Neal?"

Ned winked at Neal and replied, "Oh, I'm afraid I’m not at liberty to disclose that. Why don't you come by and see me, Neal, and we'll talk. I'm sorry I interrupted your work. Nice to meet you, Agent Burke."

As he hurriedly exited the cafe, Peter stared after him. He slid into the vacated seat and sighed, "Okay, who is he, Neal? He reminds me of Mozzie."

"He's just somebody I met, Peter," Neal huffed. "He's not a criminal."

Peter asked sharply, "Are you sure about that?"

Inspiration struck Neal and he asserted, "If you have to know, he's a counselor that I've been seeing. He just wanted to see where I work."

"Hmm," Peter mused suspiciously. "Did you know he was coming? How did I not know that you were seeing a counselor?"

Neal pouted, "It's personal, Peter. I've been seeing him on my own time. Is there something wrong with that?"

"Hmm," Peter repeated. "I guess not. Come on, let's get back to work. We have a lot of preparation to do before you go undercover."

Neal smiled inwardly at the thought of the dual meaning of undercover with regard to Ned. He cheerfully finished his latte and followed Peter back to the office.

As soon as Neal left, Peter ran a check on Ned Weeks. He was relieved to find that he wasn't a criminal, but he wasn't a counselor either, at least not a traditional one. What Peter discovered was that Ned was a gay activist. Among his various endeavors, he listed, "providing support for young men who are discovering their sexual orientation."

Peter leaned back in amazement. Surely Neal wasn't wrestling with homosexuality. That just didn't seem possible. He decided that maybe Neal had somehow met Ned and he offered to use his counseling skills to help him cope with Kate's death. That had to be it, he thought uncomfortably. He decided not to mention his discovery to El or Mozzie right away.

When Neal got home, Mozzie was waiting for him, already halfway through a glass wine. Neal smirked, "Hi Mozz. Make yourself at home."

The irony passed right over Mozzie, who burst out, "Neal, where have you been going at night?"

Neal snapped irritably, "Oh no, not you too! First Peter grills me, and now you. Don't you think I deserve a little privacy?"

"Uh, well, maybe. That depends," Mozzie objected. "Everyone is worried about you."

"Oh, who is everyone? You and Peter?" Neal asked sarcastically as he took off his jacket and tie and poured a glass of wine.

"And El and June, too, and your Suit friends at work," Mozzie blurted out. "Neal, what's going on with you?"

Neal sulked dishonestly, "Nothing is going on with me. I just like to get out of the house at night sometimes. It helps me clear my head."

"You clear your head at a gay nightclub?" Mozzie questioned incredulously.

"Mozz!" Neal scowled. "Have you been following me? I can't believe this! Well, I don't have to explain myself to anyone. Just leave me the fuck alone, will you?"

Mozzie looked reproachful, but he scurried out the door without saying anything else.

Neal sighed and dropped his head into his hands. It seemed his secret life was no longer secret. He was going to have to find a way to untangle the situation. He decided he had better go visit Ned Weeks after dinner.

Ned was delighted when Neal showed up at his door. He took his arm and pulled him inside, chattering, "Welcome, welcome. I was hoping you would come. Want a drink?"

Neal shook his head, "Not tonight, Ned. We need to talk." After Ned poured himself a drink, they settled comfortably on the couch. For a moment, Neal wanted to just nestle into Ned's arms and make out like a normal hookup, but he knew that was no longer possible.

"I told Peter I was seeing you as my counselor," Neal confessed as Ned gazed at him intently.

Ned reached out and encircled Neal's wrist. His soft brown eyes were sincere as he confided, "Well, that doesn't have to be as much of a lie as you think it is, Neal."

At Neal's questioning look, he continued, "I'm a gay rights activist. One of the things I do is counsel young men who are struggling with their sexual orientation. You seem to be deeply in the closet, at least at work."

"Oh," a stunned Neal responded, "I'm not really gay." At Ned's incredulous look, Neal amended, "I mean I didn't used to be."

Ned raised his eyebrows again and Neal blurted out, "My girlfriend, my fiancée, died when the airplane she was on exploded in front of my eyes. I was devastated. I couldn't even look at other women after that. The only peace I've found is through gay hookups."

Ned got up and said archly, "I think you need that drink after all and I need another one."

As Ned listened sympathetically and held Neal in his arms, Neal opened up and poured out his whole complicated story. A couple of hours later, they were both emotionally drained. Ned refilled their glasses and quietly stroked Neal's arm as they drank in silence.

Finally, Ned turned to Neal and kissed him. He smiled, "That's the most amazing story I've ever heard. Thank you for trusting me with it, Neal."

Neal relaxed and buried his face in Ned's shoulder. When he withdrew, he said regretfully, "I would love to stay and cuddle with you, but I have to get home. Apparently, my friends have started to worry about me staying out so late at night."

Ned nodded, "Okay, but you've raised a lot of important issues. I'd really like to discuss them with you further. Will you come back tomorrow?"

Neal shook his head sadly, "Maybe not tomorrow, but I would like to see you again. Can you be patient with me?"

Ned acquiesced, "Sure, we'll go at your pace, Neal, but I'm here for you. Don't wait too long, okay?"


	5. Recovery

Neal slipped into June's house and crept up the stairs. He undressed and fell exhausted and slightly drunk into bed. Downstairs, June quietly called Peter to inform him that Neal was safely at home.

The next day, Neal was antsy. He didn't regret telling his long sad story to Ned because it had been a relief to get it out. He wondered if he could trust Ned, though. He decided he wouldn't go back to see him right away. Peter seemed to be tiptoeing around Neal and that confused him and made him nervous. Even Jones seemed to be staring at him oddly.

Peter drove Neal home with an unusually tense silence between them. Before Neal got out, Peter gripped his arm and told him, "Please call me if you need me, Neal. Okay?"

Neal gave him a confused nod and a wave. He was relieved that Mozzie wasn't waiting for him. For once, he felt like being alone for awhile.

That feeling lasted until later in the evening when all the restlessness of the day surfaced. A glass of wine didn't help. Neal shrugged defiantly and dressed to go to the club. He craved the release of dancing and a quick blowjob that he had become used to as a stress reliever.

When Neal arrived at the club, the doorman recognized him and waved him in. His friend Paul that he met the first night he came to the club greeted him with a quick kiss and slipped a tab of ecstasy into Neal's hand. He didn't hesitate to swallow it.

As the drug took effect, Neal danced with abandon. He was thrusting his pelvis sexily toward the tall blonde man when he caught sight of Peter out of the corner of his eye. He tried to slither out of sight, but it was too late. Peter headed across the room directly toward him.

Neal abandoned the dance floor, murmuring to Paul, "Sorry, something I have to take care of."

Neal sagged resignedly into a chair. He looked up and sighed, "Have a seat, Peter - since you're here."

Peter examined him curiously. He wondered, "What are you doing here, Neal? Can you explain this to me?"

Neal replied sheepishly, "Do I have to?"

Peter nodded, "Yeah, I'm afraid you do. This is a gay nightclub, Neal."

Neal grinned impishly, still high on E, "Yeah, I noticed that." He sobered for a moment and added, "Peter, I could never look at another woman after Kate."

Peter's eyes traveled over Neal's open face and relaxed body. He guessed, "Are you high on something, Neal?"

Neal nodded dreamily. He smiled wistfully, "Uh-huh. Have you ever had Ecstasy, Peter? You should try some."

Peter leaned forward and pressed him into a hug. He sighed, "Oh buddy, what has happened to you? I'm so sorry if I've let you down. I just didn't realize how much you were hurting. I'm here for you now."

Peter had left his suit jacket in the car. His white dress shirt was open at the neck and his sleeves were rolled up. Neal found him extremely attractive. He responded by sliding over onto Peter's lap and straddling him. 

As he nuzzled Peter's neck, Neal was pleasantly surprised to feel Peter's dick responding against his own. He rocked a little to intensify the pleasure and sought Peter's mouth for a kiss.

One of the waiters came by and laid a gentle hand on Neal's back. He reminded, "Take it to the back room, fellows."

Neal fluidly rose off of Peter's lap bringing him along with him. He smiled sexily and grasped Peter's hand to lead him to the back. To his astonishment, Peter did not resist. Instead he whispered into Neal's ear, "Will you tell me everything after?"

Neal nodded enthusiastically. As soon as he had him in a private space, Neal plastered himself to Peter and passionately kissed him. He hadn't even realized how much he had been wanting this and now he couldn't believe it was happening. He sank to his knees and Peter murmured, "Neal."

He grinned back up at him and nodded as Peter appreciated the pun. Neal quickly freed Peter's cock from his pants. He tentatively kissed the tip and played with him with his tongue before he suddenly sucked him in. He thrilled at Peter's gasp as his pelvis jerked. Peter pet Neal's hair in an effort to slow him down a little bit.

Neal teased him a little more, then rose and lowered his own pants. He backed Peter against the wall and positioned their hard cocks to rub together. He began undulating sensuously as he pinched Peter's nipples through his shirt and thrust his tongue into his mouth. Peter aggressively kissed back.

Neal deftly unbuttoned their shirts so their bare skin pressed together. Peter grunted and clasped Neal tightly against him. Neal moaned responsively. He nibbled at Peter's neck and scratched his back, thrusting his hips forward.

They moved their throbbing dripping cocks over each other using precum for lube. Neal reached between them and pressed their hot organs together and slowly stroked them. Peter finally replaced Neal's hand with his own and found the the steady pulsing rhythm that carried them both over the top.

They cried out softly as they came in waves of mutual pleasure. Peter sagged back against the wall for support as Neal leaned against him with both arms thrown around his neck. Neal buried his face in Peter's broad chest and began to cry. He was overcome with emotion and Peter soothed him as he sobbed silently. 

Peter cradled his trembling partner snugly and slowly rocked to calm him. He kissed the top of his head and murmured words of comfort. Finally Peter disengaged Neal and lifted his chin up. He gently wiped Neal's tears with his fingers. The blue of his eyes was almost eclipsed by his blown pupils and his soft dark hair was adorably mussed. Peter smiled at him lovingly and said gently, "Hey."

Neal breathed reverently, "Peter." He rested his head on Peter's shoulder and hugged him tightly. Peter intervened again to slip his handkerchief between them to mop them up. He buttoned his shirt, pulled up his pants and fastened them and did the same for Neal.

Peter questioned quietly, "Ready to get out of here?" Neal composed himself and nodded. As they crossed the main room, Neal looked around nostalgically and smiled at a couple of familiar faces and waved at Paul. He knew he wouldn't be coming back again.

Outside, Neal's mood was irrepressible as they walked home lightly holding hands. Every now and then, he would giggle and pull Peter to him for a short kiss. Peter indulged him, relieved to see him so happy for a change. When they entered the mansion, Peter threw a wink over Neal's shoulder at June before he let Neal pull him up the stairs.


	6. Rest

When the door was closed safely behind them, Neal turned around to look adoringly at Peter. He opened his mouth slightly and slowly licked his lips. He started to move seductively toward Peter, who chuckled, "Whoa boy, I'm not a young man. I need some recovery time."

Neal pressed himself into Peter's arms and cooed, "Are you sure about that?"

Peter peeled him off, laughing, "Tempting, but yeah, I'm pretty sure."

Peter kept his arm around Neal as he maneuvered him over to the couch and sat down. Neal flopped down on his back with his head in Peter's lap. Peter looked down at him fondly and tickled his belly. Neal cackled and Peter smoothed his hair off his forehead. Neal curled up to give him a sweet kiss, then lay back and closed his eyes.

"You were going to tell me what's been going on with you," Peter reminded him seriously.

"Mmm," Neal purred, "Not yet. Let me just enjoy this a little longer."

Peter stroked his arm and soothed, "Okay, I guess we can do that, but we do need to talk."

"I know. We will," Neal conceded. "Are you in a hurry to get home?"

Peter shook his head. He said softly, "I thought I might just stay here with you tonight, if that's all right?"

Neal's eyelids flew open. He questioned, "Won't that upset Elizabeth?"

Peter grinned, "Now you're worried about that? It didn't seem to bother you earlier."

"Oh, well, that's like me with Kate. I don't think sex with a man counts as cheating," Neal explained sincerely.

Peter frowned skeptically, "Neal, I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way."

Neal looked troubled. "Oh, you think Elizabeth will be upset? Maybe we shouldn't tell her."

"No, Neal, that's the way you deal with things. I prefer to be honest," Peter said seriously.

"Of course you do," Neal muttered, rolling over so he was facing away from Peter.

Peter petted him and continued, "I talked to El before I came over tonight and told her what I thought was going on. She thought this might happen and she said she's okay with it."

Neal flipped back over and looked up at Peter excitedly. "She did? Really? She's so cool! You're really lucky, Peter."

Peter looked amused. He replied pointedly, "I know that, buddy."

Neal closed his eyes and relaxed against Peter and Peter cuddled him. They were quiet for a few minutes and Peter soon realized that Neal had fallen asleep. He smiled indulgently and patted him affectionately. Then he found the remote and settled in to watch a ballgame with the sound turned low. He knew Neal needed the rest.

When the game ended, Neal was still sleeping peacefully. He had hardly moved. Peter patted his face and shook him gently. He spoke softly, "Come on, buddy. Time to go to bed."

Neal rubbed his eyes and sat up, looking slightly confused. He unbuttoned his shirt and removed it. He looked over at Peter and wondered, "Peter, you're still here?"

Peter gave him a little smile and answered, "Mmmhmm, that okay with you, Neal?"

Neal nodded vigorously, "Oh yeah. Can I get you anything? Do you need something to sleep in?"

"I'm fine in my boxers," Peter assured him, amused by his concern.

Neal got up and stretched and pulled on a pair of pajama bottoms. He disappeared into the bathroom and Peter heard the water run and the toilet flush. When Neal came out, Peter went in and found that Neal had set out a new toothbrush for him to use.

When Peter turned out the light and slid into bed, he soon found himself with an armful of squirming Neal, stretching up to kiss him.

Neal asked mischievously, "How's that recovery time coming along?"

Peter sighed, "I should've known. Now that you've had a nap, you're full of energy."

Neal nodded, his eyes glistening in the moonlight. He tried for a deep kiss, but Peter pulled away. He insisted, "I think we'd better wait until morning. I want you to get some more sleep."

Neal yawned. He sighed, "Well, okay, if you insist. Wake me up if you change your mind. I've learned to give great head from some of my hookups."

Peter grimaced, "I am not even going to ask how many of those there have been, Neal, but we are going to have that talk tomorrow."

Neal nodded as he snuggled up next to Peter. He mumbled sleepily, "Yeah, tomorrow."

Neal woke slowly and started when he noticed that someone was lying next to him in his bed. He was relieved when he realized it was Peter and his memory of the night before came flooding back. He smiled wickedly when he realized that Peter was not awake yet, but his dick was hard as a rock. 

Neal reach over and touched it softly. He squirmed around so he could rest his head on Peter's abdomen and gently licked his dick. He progressed to kissing it and caressing it with his hand. Peter mumbled, "Mmm, Hon, that's good." 

He reached over and tangled his hands in Neal's hair. Suddenly, he sat straight up, wide awake, and yelped, "Neal!"

Neal murmured, "Mmmhmm," and continued what he was doing. Peter exhaled loudly and sank back down onto the bed. He adjusted his hips and moaned as Neal stimulated him.

As Neal intensified his efforts and began to gently suck him, Peter sighed, "Oh, that feels wonderful."

Peter lay still as long as he could and let Neal work his magic. Then he gripped Neal's head and began rocking in and out of the warm wet source of the tittilating sensation. He struggled not to come because he wanted it to continue, but Neal hummed a little and took him deeper, making just the right moves. 

Peter cried out and tried to withdraw as his orgasm overtook him, but Neal eagerly swallowed him down. When Neal finally pulled off, Peter grabbed him and hoisted him up so he could kiss him. Neal luxuriated in a long passionate meeting of their mouths.

"Wow, Neal," Peter breathed, lying back limply. "That was an amazing way to wake up!"

Neal grinned, "I'm glad you enjoyed it. It seems you were fully recovered."

Peter bit his neck playfully. He grabbed him and flipped him so Neal was underneath him. He reached for Neal's swollen cock and squeezed, provoking a low moan of pleasure. Peter rolled over to the side so he could get a good angle to pump the hot throbbing organ in his hand. 

He started out slowly with a light touch, but followed Neal's reactions to adjust his pressure and pace and rhythm. Soon he had Neal writhing and begging, "Please Peter!"

Peter chuckled as he got it right and delighted in bringing Neal so much pleasure. Peter nuzzled his neck and Neal arched and twisted and screamed in ecstasy. Peter laughed as hot creamy cum shot through his hand onto his chest.

Neal lay back, panting and sweating, and closed his eyes. He had a big satisfied smile on his flushed face that Peter just had to kiss as soon as he finished wiping them off with the sheet.


	7. Reality

In a few minutes, Neal dragged Peter into the shower with him. They soaped up, admiring each other's physiques, as they enjoyed the warm water flowing over them. Neal stepped out and handed Peter a towel with a kiss.

When they were dressed, Neal puttered in the kitchen to produce a breakfast of spinach omelets, toast and marmalade. He offered Peter some champagne in his orange juice, but Peter demurred, so Neal poured some plain juice for both of them. 

Neal gazed at Peter and remarked, "I still can't believe you're here. Am I remembering last night right? Did you say that Elizabeth gave you her permission?"

Peter nodded, "She did. Do you also remember what you promised me last night?"

Neal cleared their plates and began to wash them. He admitted, "Yeah, I said I'd tell you what's going on."

"That's right," Peter affirmed. "Why don't you come on over and sit with me and we'll talk?"

"Yeah, okay," Neal agreed. He pushed his still wet hair back off his forehead and Peter was struck again by how beautiful he was. Neal sat across from Peter and looked at him intently. He asked, "What do you want to know, Peter?"

"Well," Peter began, "I never thought you were gay, for one thing. Did I miss that or is it something new?"

Neal smiled, "Oh, Peter, i never thought I was gay either. I guess I've always appreciated male and female beauty, but I loved Kate with all my heart and I was faithful and fulfilled with her, even though it's been so long since we were together."

His eyes moistened and Peter nodded encouragingly. Neal continued hesitantly, "You know how miserable I have been since, since the, uh, plane. I was having horrid nightmares every night that literally made me ill. They tormented me and I couldn't get any rest."

Peter nodded sympathetically, "Go on, Neal. Take your time. I know this is hard."

Neal explained, "One night I just went out for a walk and I happened to find the club. The music attracted me and I went in. I had a drink and I realized I was in a gay nightclub. There were a bunch of guys dancing and I was just sitting there watching them."

He paused and took a breath. "Anyway, it made me feel a little bit better and a guy came over to me and asked me to dance with him. He handed me a pill and I just took it and swallowed it. It turned out to be Ecstasy and that's a good name for it because all my troubles just seemed to go away."

Peter reached over and touched his hand and softly murmured, "Neal."

"So after we danced, he led me into the back room, and I wanted it, Peter. I wanted the release. The guy blew me and he really knew what he was doing." Neal threw a wink at Peter. "I learned a lot from him."

Peter nodded appreciatively and chuckled. Neal continued, "I came home and slept without any nightmares and I felt good the next morning. After that, I just found myself going back there. I'd drink and smoke some weed, or do some E or coke, and then I'd dance with whoever gave me the drug and we'd finally end up in the back room making each other come."

Neal wouldn't look up at Peter. He said in a low voice, "I know how slutty it sounds, but it was just uncomplicated relief with willing partners. Nobody ever wanted anything else from me except sex and a good time. It was...well, easy."

Peter shook his head. He asked carefully, "Is that all of it? Did you meet your friend Ned at the club, too?"

"N-no," Neal stuttered. "I, uh, when I didn't feel like going to the club, I used Grindr to find hookups online. I always went to their place to meet them and it was anonymous. Well, until one night I met Ned. He was different. But then he noticed my anklet and he called me a criminal and he threw me out. I just blurted out that I was a CI for White Collar at the FBI."

"I thought you said he was a counselor," Peter pointed out.

Neal sighed, "Well, I made that up. He came to the office that day to apologize and tell me he wanted to see me. Since then, I found out that he is kind of a counselor. He's a gay activist who helps men come to grips with their sexuality. He said I'm in the closet and he offered to help me."

"So you've seen him again," Peter pursued neutrally. "Do you plan to continue seeing him?"

Neal could see that Peter was feeling uncomfortable and overwhelmed by everything he had just heard. Neal got up and went over to him and put his hands on Peter's shoulders. He said quietly, "I don't know, Peter."

Peter stood up and paced a little. He decided, "I need to take a break before we continue this any further. I'm going to step outside and call El and let her know I'm all right."

"Okay. Are you all right, Peter?" Neal asked anxiously, "Are you going to tell her everything I said?"

Peter shook his head, "No, not right now. I want to hear the rest of your story. We can talk later about how much you are willing for me to share."

Neal busied himself putting away the breakfast dishes while Peter was outside. Then he nervously poured some vodka into his glass of orange juice. He left the bottle where Peter could get it and pour himself some if he wanted to.

Peter came back in and glanced at the vodka bottle. He frowned at the glass in Neal's hand. Then he reluctantly reached out and poured a weak drink for himself.

Neal acknowledged, "I just need something to fortify myself. I'm not trying to get drunk."

Peter sat back down. He said seriously, "Neal, I have some questions. It sounds like you have had a lot of male sex partners. Have you been practicing safe sex? Do you think of yourself as being gay now? Are you planning to continue seeing Ned?"

Neal took a deep breath, "Well, I haven't needed condoms or anything because I haven't had anal sex. I just didn't want that. I don't know if I'm gay. I guess I must be bisexual. This whole experience has really been helping me get over the intensity of Kate's death. I told Ned all about her and it felt good to get it out."

Peter was watching him intently. Neal continued, "I don't know about seeing Ned. He wants me to. I like him. He wasn't just a usual hookup."

Peter pointed out, "For one thing, he's obviously not anonymous. But Neal, how can he be your counselor if you're having sex with him. Isn't that unethical?"

"Oh, we haven't had any sex," Neal objected. "Anyway, I don't intend to see him as a counselor. I'd like to have him for a friend, and I might even want to date him."

Peter cleared his throat; then said hoarsely, "Okay, well, I guess that's okay. Are you planning to keep on going to the club and using Grindr?"

Neal got up and went over to Peter. He pulled him over to join him on the couch. He reassured, "No, I decided last night that I'm not going back there anymore, and after my experience with Ned, I don't want to use Grindr either. I'm not sure about seeing Ned. There's just one other thing."

Peter looked up expectantly and asked, "What's that, Neal?"

Neal leaned his head back on Peter's shoulder and sighed, "I might be in love with you, Peter."


	8. Resolution

Peter held his breath. He stroked Neal's arm soothingly. Finally, he said quietly, "I think we're kind of in love with each other, buddy. I think we have been for a long time."

Neal turned to look up at him. He felt pleased and confused at the same time. He began, "But Peter...."

Peter shushed him. "But I am very happily married to Elizabeth and I am also your boss and your handler. We are not free to fall in love, Neal."

Neal nodded sadly. He admitted, "I know."

Peter told him, "Last night was an exception. It was something I think we both needed. I'm not even going to say it will never happen again. But, Neal, if you are interested in Ned, I think you should take your time and get to know him. I want you to give up the club and the Grindr hookups, though, and I want you to stop using drugs. They are dangerous and they are illegal, Neal."

"Oh Peter," Neal started to object, but Peter stopped him again. He insisted, "No, Neal. I understand how you started using them and even that they seemed to help you, but you have to stop using them. Does Ned use drugs?"

"Umm, no, I don't think he does," Neal mused. "He drinks Scotch." Neal giggled a little and raised his glass. "You're not going to insist I give up alcohol, are you?"

Peter smiled indulgently, "No, not if you drink in moderation. That's not illegal. I don't want you getting hung over and not being able to come to work, though."

Neal noted thoughtfully, "You know, I haven't had the nightmare for awhile now. I've been sleeping much better."

Peter squeezed his arm and nodded encouragingly, "That's good. I think you are making real progress, buddy. You're been through a terrible trauma, but the reality is that you have a lot of life left to live."

He stood up and stretched. "Now, I'd better get going. I promised El I'd be home soon. If you don't mind, Neal, I will just tell her a very abbreviated version of what you told me. I don't keep secrets from her if I can help it."

Neal looked at him wistfully. "Okay. Peter? Could I have a goodbye kiss?"

Peter leaned over and gave him a mostly chaste kiss on the lips. He smiled and reminded, "I'm here for you, buddy. Call me anytime if you need me, and please, keep me informed about what you're up to."

Neal stood and walked him to the door. After he was gone, Neal finished his drink out on the terrace. He thought awhile and finally decided he would dress up a little nicer and pay a visit to Ned Weeks that afternoon.

 

As usual, Ned welcomed him in enthusiastically. There was another man there, but Ned quickly showed him the door after Neal arrived. They sat down in their familiar positions on the couch.

Ned put his arm around him and arched an eyebrow. He asked, "Well? Neal?"

Neal blurted out, "Ned, I think I'd like to date you, but could we just take it slow?"

Ned was overjoyed. He hugged Neal and exclaimed, "Of course, of course, we can take it just as slow as you want to. I would love to date you, Neal!"

Neal chuckled at his enthusiasm. He suggested, "In that case, do you want to watch a movie or something?"

Ned grinned, "You pick out a movie and I'll make some popcorn - or would you rather have ice cream?"

Neal was amused to see that Ned's collection contained a number of gay themed movies. When Ned returned from the kitchen, Neal commented, "I haven't seen a lot of these."

Ned picked one out and suggested, "Here, let's watch _Big Eden_. It has a happy ending."

The two men sat comfortably together, eating ice cream from the carton and watching the movie. Neal winced to see how much the handsome actor who played Dean resembled Peter, but as promised, the story had a happy ending.

Neal put down the empty ice cream carton and confessed, "That was a good movie. That actor, Tim DeKay, looks a lot like my boss, Peter."

Ned nodded and asked as casually as he could, "You're in love with the agent, aren't you, Neal?"

Neal looked chagrined, "Does it show that much? I only really realized how much yesterday."

Ned guessed, "But he's straight and he's married to a woman."

Neal added ruefully, "He's married to a wonderful woman who is my friend. Peter is also responsible for me while I'm his CI, so it's all very inappropriate."

"Does he love you too, Neal?" Ned wondered. Neal hesitated, "I think he loves me, but I'm not sure if it's in a romantic way."

"Do you think there might be room in your heart for more than one lover?" Ned asked hopefully.

Neal leaned forward and rested his forehead against Ned's. He replied softly, "I hope so."

Ned responded sincerely, "I do too. I'm willing to take a chance, Neal."

They both moved in for a long sweet kiss and Neal sighed happily. He felt hopeful for the first time since Kate's terrible demise. 

Ned seemed to read Neal's mind again. "You've been through so much. We'll just take this as slowly as you need to. Okay?"

Neal nodded contently, "Very okay. I have a good feeling that this might just work out."

**Author's Note:**

> Photos of Ned and Neal (Felix):
> 
> https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CwqJmULUQAADsS5?format=jpg&name=large
> 
> https://goo.gl/images/GCLvpX
> 
> Tim DeKay in Big Eden:
> 
> https://goo.gl/images/6GAFoZ
> 
> The White Collar characters were created by Jeff Eastin for the USA TV show. Ned Weeks was a character in The Normal Heart on HBO.


End file.
